What do you mean I'm too old for American Idol?

Its been a long time since I've opened up my mouth and belted out a tune but tonight I did just that. Picture it folks, a chunky, 30 something, prematurely grayed woman dressed in a bathrobe and slippers dancing around in front of her computer singing into a tacky glue bottle, at the top of her lungs, like she was 9! Man I was having a blast! I even adjusted the lighting to give the neighbors a show--just in case they were lucky enough to be watching.

I couldn't beleive how good it felt to just let it all out and go for it. I was hitting the high notes and everything which is not an easy task when your singing along with Celine Dion. I discovered the key is to turn the sound waaaay up so that I don't feel so timid, I can still hear the music and words but let out my voice, my real voice at a therapuetic volume.

I've often thought that as I have gotten older that I have started shrinking into myself, that I have lost my voice and have even voiced this to close freinds. I always meant this as lost my presence, my self but tonight I realized that the reason for that is because a big and vital part of who I am is my voice itself.

I felt like I was the true me was when I was singing. Whether I was in school, at concerts, in the car with the radio, or out singing kareoke, I was always singing. I was always present. Always whole. I knew who I was and what I was about. Take it or leave it. I was a singer.

I have allowed that part of me to go unheard for too long. I have allowed myself to care too much about what others would think of me if I opened my mouth and let the music come out. The thing that I have forgotten is that people actually like what comes out. Why should I fear sharing it?

The presence that I have been missing is my stage presence. Its about time that I got it back. I need to start sharing that part of me that is only me and everything else will just fall in place. Music is too big a part of me to just cut out like I have. It's trying to come back like a limb that can regenerate. Now I can't help but image an extra arm or leg sprouting out of me. "Honey, don't stare at the lady, that's just her microphone arm." Hmmm....an extra music limb? Now that may just be the "star quality" they are always talking about on American Idol. We're gonna have to do something about that age limit.