I was reading one of my favorite blogs recently and the topic was most embarassing moments. I don't know if this is truly my most embarassing moment but it is certainly up there.
My disfunctional freind and I decided to go out one Saturday night many years ago. We got all dressed up and was looking good. I had my hair done right and makeup looked flawless, I slithered into an awesome black suede mini skirt and heels and a cute little sweater. Disfunctional was in her traditional uniform of tight jeans, nikes and a cleavage revealing top. Problem was we didn't have anywhere to go. So we hopped in her car and just hit the road and eventually ended up at the apartment of a guy she had a crush on.
Well, needless to say I ended up being the third wheel at this little party so to occupy my time (and I suppose to add to their entertainment) the lovebirds generously provided me with a bottle of liquor. Being in my early 20's I was pretty proud of my drinking abilities and had no problem complying with the request to go out into the kitchen and take a slug from the bottle. Little did I realize that I didn't have the abilities I had been bragging about. Up til now my drinking experience had been little fru-fru girly drinks with lots of juice and fruit and cute little umbrellas. This, my friends, had no umbrella. It was Golden Grain 180 proof!
After a few tips of the bottle I was feeling NO PAIN! In fact, I suddenly thought I was light as a feather and hot as hell! I began to laugh and giggle and flirt with no one imparticular and in my enlightened state I decided that the pillars in the front entrance would make a perfect pole for me to dance on! After a few warm up wiggles and a swirl or two I was ready for the show. I called into the living room and got the duo's attention and proceeded to scrub the ground with my tushy. Thats all it took. I heard this terrible popping slash explosion and I watched as my tight little skirt flew off my body and across the foyer!
Instantly everyone was laughing and laughing as I stood there confused and bare butted. Disfunctional was actually rolling on the floor with tears coming down her face. Lucky for me I was so drunk that I laughed too instead of crying. My only saving grace was that I had packed an overnight bag with a pair of sweats in it which was retrieved for me by apartment dude. Talk about making an impression...I don't think he'll ever forget me.
From that night on Disfunctional never let me live that one down. She even made up a little song that extolled the night's events. Sometimes I can still hear her singing it. "Ya'll gon make me split my skirt, up in here, up in here. Ya'll gon see my derriere ...."
3 hours ago